Basically, you sign up on the widget at Brenda's page, post the first 250 words of your finished manuscript on your blog, hop around to other people and critique theirs, and take into account the crits you get for your sample. Then on Tuesday (March 22nd), email your entry to Brenda.
She'll pick the top 20 entries and post them to her blog on the 24th. From those entries, agent Natalie Fischer with the Bradford Literary Agency will pick the top three winners.
Winners get critique prizes!
So, without further ado... Here's my entry:
Name: Ellen Goodlett
Title: Stray
Genre: Young Adult Futuristic
For the third time this week, someone has jacked my ride.
I stand at the corner of Broadway and 17th, exactly where I know I tied it up. But there's no gondola to be found. How desperate are these shitheads, to steal the leakiest, ugliest boat in New York City? I'm sure they'll abandon it as soon as the bubble-gum plugging the cracks in the prow pops out, but that ain't the point.
“Lucky me,” I mutter to myself, and hock a loogie into the vomit-colored canal water.
It's hard to see down here – the streetlights stand two stories overhead, set along the posh walkways for the rich and privileged. Us gutter rats are the only ones who skulk about canal-side, unless a rich lady stoops to catch a water taxi. The wealthy all ride the subways anyway. Ever since they pumped the water from the ancient train tunnels and renovated them, us gondoliers have been shit-outta-luck. Which is probably why someone was crazy enough to try stealing my hunk of junk boat.
Raised voices interrupt my thoughts. They’re coming from the other end of the dock, where the wooden pier wraps around what used to be a fancy apartment building and heads left down Broadway. I can’t see anyone – the speakers must be around the corner.
One of them shouts angrily, too far away to make out the words. I inch along the wooden planks toward the corner. Most likely just a gondolier arguing with a customer.
Any crits are welcome! Especially ones on the scenery -- a few people have mentioned the descriptions are hard to follow in this bit.
The voice is strong and captured my attention. The first shit in shit-head caught me off guard because I wasn't ready for it, I didn't know the character yet. But by shit-outta-luck, it was perfect. That's my only advice. Your writing is great and I liked the descriptions. I loved your opening line!!!
ReplyDeleteOkay this is fantastic. I LOVE what you've done with the futuristic NY setting, and how vivid you've made it in the first 250 words. I don't really have a crit for this, just good job!
ReplyDeleteThis starts well and with a distinctive voice. There's a great sense of the setting. The only thing that throws me is, "I can’t see anyone – the speakers must be around the corner." If the voices are "coming from the other end of the dock, where the wooden pier wraps..." and are "too far away to make out the words," that sentence seems contrived and redundant. Nor in those circumstances does it make sense for him to have to inch forward. Otherwise the story is off to an interesting start and I'd certainly keep reading.
ReplyDeleteGood luck in the contest! :)
Love this. I totally want to keep reading. I love that the rich people now take the subway. LOL Nice touch. I was stopped by the same line as Carol was, but otherwise a fun and enjoyable read.
ReplyDeleteHi Ellen!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the comments/suggestions you left on my blog. They are point on and extremely helpful. You've got a good eye for editing.
Anyway, on to your stuff...
First off, very strong voice and the concept of a flooded NYC immediately draws me in.
You had mentioned that people sometimes find the descriptions confusing. I admit, that I did read it twice, but that was more because I was still trying to wrap my mind around a flooded NYC that seems segregated into canal street rats and the privileged posh walkways (which by the way I love).
This is great work, best of luck with it.
Thanks everyone :D Good to know the visual isn't too hard to follow, I had some trouble with it in the first couple drafts... Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteHi Ellen, so good to see you and Stray again--old friends from AW! I believe I've read other openings for this before, but I like this one.
ReplyDeleteThe setting and tone are obvious to me from the start, and the voice comes across as well. Nicely done!
Good luck with the contest!
Excellent, novel setting; great voice. I liked it and would definitely want to read more.
ReplyDelete