Saturday, October 10, 2009

Draft Completion and a Poll

In honor of completing draft #1 of my current Work-In-Progress, a young-adult science fiction novel, I decided to give myself a couple days off before the editing begins.
During these days off, of course, I got bored not writing, so I wrote up a couple drafts of a query letter instead. In case you don't know what a query letter is, I'll explain briefly: in order to get a book published, in most cases, you need to find an agent first. In order to find an agent, you need to write a query letter that summarizes the plot of your book in a quick, interesting way. The summary, ideally, should read like the inside flap or back-cover description on a book from the store - it should make your reader want to know more.
If you want some examples of what makes a good query and a bad query, check out Query Shark (on the right-hand side is a list of queries the shark said YES to, and a much bigger list of queries she rejected).
So, I sat down to write a summary - but of course, being the indecisive person that I am, I then wrote another summary. This is where the poll comes in.
I'm going to post both of my summary-drafts here, and I want you all to imagine that you're reading these descriptions on book-covers in your local indie bookstore (or Barnes and Noble, if you can't find an indie shop). Which one of these summaries would make you want to keep reading?
Please help me out here! Any constructive criticism, of course, is welcome. So are votes. Note: these aren't my full query letters, just the section of the letter that would contain the summary. You can find the poll to vote on the right-hand side of the blog.
Now, without further ado...

Summary #1:

Rosen Stern has spent his entire 16-year lifespan on a spaceship. But when a fire on his home ship forces the captains to land in a swamp, he’s got to adapt to their new settings fast – they have no power, no vid-games, not even a malfunctioning inter-web signal. Getting food will be hard enough, let alone avoiding alligators, leeches and poisonous water.
Kiara, on the other hand, born and raised in the bayou, has seen just about everything life can throw at her, including the death of her father in the hunting accident that claimed her right hand. But one thing she’s never seen is a hunk of metal falling from the sky in flames. There are legends of a time when such metal beasts, filled with people, were a common sight. But the last of those violent, bomb-toting humans responsible for Earth’s near-destruction left the planet over 300 years ago.
Kiara’s village wants to attack the alien craft. Rosen’s shipmates are arming themselves against the dirt-dwelling animals, human or otherwise, they expect to find in the swamps. But a bigger threat than either of them lurks in the sky above. Because before Rosen’s ship lost power, it sent out a distress signal. And that signal has been picked up by the worst possible recipient.

Summary #2:

According to the history readers, all mankind left the Origins, the desolate planet their pollution rendered uninhabitable, over 300 years ago. But when the ship Rosen Stern, expert teen hacker and flirt, calls home crashes down in the swamps of what was once northern Louisiana, he learns just how wrong history is…
Kiara, taught to hunt at age 6 by her father and raised as a protector of her village, has just lost her father and most of her right hand in a hunting accident. Unable to use her primary weapon, the bow, she is useless as a fighter and excluded from the Hunt. When a mysterious fireball filled with strangers lands in the bayou, she knows she’s been given a chance to prove herself. If she can fence in the intruders and save her village from the fabled bombs all space-men carry, she can earn back her place in the Hunt.
But in the skies above lurks a bigger threat than Kia’s bloodthirsty brothers. Because greasers picked up the distress signal from Rosen’s ship, and unfortunately, they’re the type of scavengers who loot, shoot, and never even bother with questions. Rosen and Kia will have to work together, if they want their families to survive…

Thanks for your help!

4 comments:

  1. Number one is a much more active summary and in consequence is more riveting. It needs a bit of polishing around the edges, but the structure seems more like something I'd pick up in the bookstore than the second one.

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  2. I agree, the first summary is very intriguing. That one grabs the most attention.

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  3. I also think that the first summary is more attention grabbing. Although including the boy is a flirt might be worthwhile.. Just a thought! I still can't wait to read it!

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  4. I did not get to vote but summary #1 is superior because of the suspense built up from not naming the danger.

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