Adjectives/Adverbs

The dreaded Ad-words. Bane of a writer's existence. In case you did not have this drilled into your earlobes by professors like mine in college: They're bad.

"But why?" you ask. "They look so pretty and shiny on the page!"



NO! Do not let them tempt you! Adjectives and adverbs are like these guys. Adverbs especially. They're all, "I'm so delicious! Like amphibian candy! You should nom upon me!"

But then you do, and you're like, "so young! with so many regrets! I ded."



Don't let the ad-words poison you! 99% of the time, they are either extraneous, or just adverbs disguising a spot where you need a better verb. Or they just make no sense. But I'll get to that option last.

First! The more common.

Problem 1. Extraneous Adjectives/Adverbs.

Symptoms of this problem: You used your thesaurus... and wrote down every word you found in the sentence.
You couldn't decide between your favorite words, so you just put them all down.
You feel like your verb just needs a little extra descriptor to give him more oomph.

How to fix it: Reread and cut-cut-cut. When in doubt, chop it out.

Examples:
"Damn, that chick is gorgeously hot." (it is the same thing.)
"My fluffy, fuzzy-wuzzy, cuddly bear." (pick one. only one.)
"I slowly shuffled." (really? I shuffle very fast...)
"We yelled loudly." (same deal. how else would you yell?)
"She closely scrutinized." (great verb! but then you killed it with "closely." why god, why?)

Problem 2. Adverbs Cloaking Weak Verbs.

Symptoms of this problem: You really love "to be."
Your thesaurus is broken.
You aren't really sure what a thesaurus is.
You have these favorite words that just seem to pop out whenever you aren't looking, no matter how many times you tell them to STAY AWAY.*

How to fix it: Find the perfect verb. Instead of "look at," why not scrutinize? But be careful to LEAVE THAT VERB ALONE once you find it. Or you will loop back to problem #1.

Examples:
"He moved rapidly." Ran/raced/hurried/sprinted. Take your pick.
"He anxiously waited." Fretted/paced/wrung his fingers/freaked the hell out.
"He timidly looked." Peeked/peered/squinted/glanced.
"He creepily smiled." Grinned/leered/smirked/ogled.

Problem 3. Nonsensical/Just Plain Weird Adjectives/Adverbs.

Symptoms of this problem: You think the ad-word combo you've just come up with is the most speshul unique snowflake in the world.
You have not stopped to think too much about how much sense your combination makes. But that doesn't matter, right? It's your story! It doesn't have to make sense to you!

How to fix this problem: Hand your MS to a beta reader/neighbor/friend/parent/cat. If they have a confused look on their face when they hit your ad-word combo, then you should probably kill it. With fire.

Examples:
"The shiny gray carpet." (has your carpet been covered in shoe polish? no? then WHY IS IT SHINY.**)
"She auspiciously attended the meeting."
"The water suddenly ebbed."
"He slowly ran toward her."
"I garishly pondered."***

* *raises hand* guilty.

** If you are Captain Tightpants, feel free to ignore this comment. And by that, I mean -- if "shiny" signifies something else in the world of your novel, fine. Otherwise, wtf mate?

*** HOW DO YOU EVEN?! This is my personal fave weirdest. And by fave, of course, I mean Kill It With Fire.