Thick Skin

The morning after I submitted my very first manuscript (super-awful btw) to my very first editor (who later was very nice about her rejection) at a FOR-REAL publishing house (heart-attack), I received an email from my super-awesome professor (who writes YA herself). She said: "Now comes the hard part. You need to grow some thick skin."

She told me that I would face lots and lots of rejection in the future. Rejection from agents, rejection from editors, rejection from friends who didn't like my manuscript, rejection from reviewers if I ever published a novel. She warned me not to let it get to me.

I looked up at my boyfriend at the time, who had been reading the email over my shoulder. He raised an eyebrow at me and said, "I don't think your skin needs to be any thicker."

Some people might be offended by this comment. But I knew what he meant. I get annoyed/angered just like the next person. However, I'm pretty hard to upset. Plus, as several friends and family members have pointed out to me in the past, "You're so stubborn, I can't picture you not achieving what you want."

Thanks, I think?

But the truth is, even us thick-skinned people get hurt. No matter how thick it is, it's still only skin. We are not made of steel.

Sometimes it's the sharp pains that reach you. A sudden loss or change. But other times it's the pains that build slowly, the ones you've convinced yourself you don't mind. Like a growing pile of rejections for your last novel, the one you were so sure was ready. Or when you go through one, two, four rounds of revisions with an agent, only to have them regrettably need to pass.

OF COURSE that hurts. But sometimes you feel like there's something wrong with you for hurting. You know it isn't the agent's fault. You know your writing has gotten better and better and better with every rejection, every revision suggestion, every painful learning experience. So you wonder why it still gets to you.

The simple reason is: you're human. Constant rejection will get to anyone eventually. Yes, you can tell yourself to ignore it; forget it; learn from it; keep writing anyway. But you also have to take care of your feelings. If you get five rejections in a two-day period, you don't have to sit down at the computer and start editing your novel for the 100th time. You can if that makes you feel better -- but if you're anything like me, it just makes your edits panicky and confused.

Take a day off. Hell, take a whole weekend off! Hang out with your friends. Eat chocolate. Go to the beach. Film your goofy cats attacking your roomie's pasta. Watch inspirational videos. My personal fave?

Susan Boyle's first audition.

(still gets me every time!)

Most importantly: DON'T DOUBT YOURSELF.

And remember, at times like these, it helps to have all of those friends and family members and former boyfriends to remind you that you are stubborn as hell. You are thick-skinned. Rejections won't stop you forever. And you can write, damnit.

/end motivational speech