The Worst YA Opener Ever (AW July Blog Chain)

This month's prompt: the Mini Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

The Mini Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest means trying to write the worst possible first line of a book or story in the spirit of Edward "It was a dark and stormy night..." Bulwer-Lytton.

This was hard. Not because it's hard to write awful purple prose, but because I cringed just thinking of horrible ideas for this. There were so many directions to go; so many genre-specific cliches I could explore. But I decided to stick to my personal favorite: young adult.

So here goes -- the WORST YA opener EVER (and apologies in advance, but I broke the "stick to 50-60 words rule." I figured that makes it worse):

I sat up with a jolt in bed, thinking that I had just been dreaming about something pretty wonderful involving the most gorgeous man in the world who also maybe had wings, when I heard Lynne shouting downstairs (I call my mother Lynne because calling parents Mom or Dad is SO passe and anyway how else would you know what her name is, which is totally important to the story?); so I forced myself to climb out of bed and stare into my bedside mirror, at my long, flowing, curly red hair and my bright emerald green eyes and pale, pale skin, and think: Goddamn, I am ugly.

Full confession: many of my early novels looked just like this. Except occasionally substitute red hair for electric blue.

Check out the other participants' blogs!

orion_mk3 - (link to this month's post)
AuburnAssassin
dolores haze
Horseflye
Proach
BigWords
jkellerford
xcomplex
Ralph Pines
Euclid
Diana Rajchel
pezie
Guardian
(me!)
Alpha Echo