Rachel Simon, critically-acclaimed author of Riding the Bus with My Sister, was kind enough to answer a few questions for me about her new memoir, Building a Home with My Husband (and some about her writing process in general):
At what point during the renovation of your house did you realize that the story of the renovation might make a good book?
I hadn’t intended to write this book at all. The first hint of it arose in the summer of 2005. I began contemplating what I call in the book my “Search for Life Purpose 2.0”, the kind of introspective journey many people undertake when faced with life changes.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get to make Search 2.0 my priority. My husband Hal, who is an architect, had convinced me to undertake a major renovation on our house and that summer, as we were preparing to move out so the contractor could start the work, I found myself overwhelmed by the prospect of packing.
Shortly before our move-out date, I went see a friend in Washington, DC, and spent the two hour train ride writing. The moment my pen touched the page, I found myself examining my struggles with the packing process. To my surprise, I found I wasn’t writing about packing as much as my internal conflict; I’d had a hard time sorting and parting with possessions because these things were more than photo albums or bits of stained glass or old containers; they were pieces of my internal world. When we moved a few days later, I had another experience that twined together the inner and outer worlds. I wrote about that, though this time I focused on family more than friends. Suddenly I realized that our renovation had put me on a journey that was both physical and emotional. At that point I just had to keep writing about this double journey. I chronicled the whole story as I lived it, having no idea where it would go or how it would end. Amazingly, the day the renovation finished and we moved back in, I figured out my Life Purpose 2.0. In a moment of clarity, I knew the end of my memoir and my life’s purpose.
What are some of the challenges involved in writing about someone as close to you as your husband (or your family members, for that matter)?
Writing about my husband was actually less difficult than writing about my parents and siblings. Partially I think that's because of my history with my husband, which includes a first relationship of 13 years, then a break-up lasting 6 years, then a reconnection - and THEN marriage. So before I wrote about him, we'd had a lot of opportunity to work though the misunderstandings that can come between couples and had built up a solid foundation of trust. As a result, it was easy for me to know, as I was writing the first draft, what he'd be comfortable with me writing and what crossed over the line. With my parents and siblings, I had a pretty good sense of this as well, but was still cautious when it came to certain topics and individuals, especially those with whom I currently have a bumpy relationship, or those who've been known to have a temper. So with this book and with my last memoir, I gave the manuscript to one sibling early on, so we could discuss how certain people might react to certain sections. My goal is always to tell the truth, but to do so in a way that doesn't injure relationships. That's not hard to do, if a writer is both precise with language and compassionate in her portrayal of characters. Empathy - a much overused word these days - is very useful, too.
I know the majority of the writing process involves tons of revision and a stubborn refusal to give up when a scene just isn't working... But did you have any great "aha" moments when writing this book, moments where a scene/plot point/character just seemed to click into place?
I think "aha" moments are one of the reasons I write in the first place, and I must admit that I experience them frequently, in both first drafts and revisions. But you asked about revisions, so I'll focus there. In this book, I did lengthy and detailed revisions, with the final one lasting six months. In that round, each chapter took about three weeks, and all of them fell into the same pattern. I'd spend the first 5 days feeling incredibly inept, and would move so slowly through the opening section or two that it would take all five days to do three pages. Then I'd feel I had my opening set, and could proceed into the middle. Yet it still felt as if I were climbing a mountain, and I continued to feel I wasn't up to the task. I'd lie awake nights, thinking that the book was great up until this chapter, and now it was going to fall apart. Then around Day 10, things would start to crystallize, and I'd regain the faith that I could pull off this chapter. Not until Day 14 would I actually know that for sure, when I got near the ending of the chapter, and had laid out the paragraphs that would take the chapter to its climax and resolution. However, it would still take another 5-7 days to get the wording precise in those last pages. That was the point when I'd have the serious "aha" moments - when my hard work and faith actually came together in a word-by-word way to the very last word of the chapter. Then I would feel a wonderful high, and I'd take a few days off to be a real person (write email, see friends, talk to my husband about something other than the writing process). And then I'd start the next chapter and it would begin all over again. However, after the first few rounds of this, I knew I was in a pattern, and that made it easier for me to have the faith I needed to press on.
Since you write both fiction and nonfiction, can you talk a little about the differences (and similarities) between writing those two genres? What are some of the challenges and some of the benefits of writing each one?
Fiction and nonfiction are incredibly similar, yet they are also opposites. (And I should be clear that when I say "nonfiction", I mean narrative nonfiction, like memoir.) Both use the same tools of craft, such as characterization, scene-setting, deft placement of exposition, dialogue, conflict, structure, etc. But they use opposite sides of your brain, because fiction is addition and nonfiction is subtraction. That is, fiction creates something out of nothing, and nonfiction peels away a lot of everything to get to the essential something. I love writing both, and find that I feel more balanced as a person because I write both. The challenges of fiction mostly come down to focus and credibility; the challenges of nonfiction mostly come down to selection, telling the truth, and doing so in a way that doesn't damage relationships you wish to preserve. The rewards of both forms are numerous though often elusive. To name just a few, fiction gives writers the opportunity to live many lives and to create a world that, unlike the real world, the writer chooses to inhabit. Nonfiction gives writers the incentive to delve deeply into a lived experience and find meaning and coherence. At the same time, it forces one (or at least me) to find what's universal in my own small existence. In both cases, it's deeply pleasurable to create an absorbing dream that others can enter and experience in a solitary way. That is, writing fiction and nonfiction allows writers the chance to be part of the larger human experience, one person at a time. It is a gift of transcending aloneness - which we give both to others and ourselves.
So, you've ridden a bus with your sister, built a home with your husband... What comes next for you?
This made me laugh. I'm currently working on the fourth revision of a novel that my agent hopes to start submitting to publishers sometime this fall. I'm afraid I can't say anything about it, since I like working privately. As for nonfiction, I suppose I'll wait to see what my next big life adventure will be. Fortunately, I now have a track record of finding something meaningful in the everyday (bus riding, home renovation), so I know I can find that adventure anywhere.
Thanks to Rachel for the insights into her work!
If any of you out there haven't read Building a Home with My Husband yet, I definitely recommend it. You can find it in your local bookstore *coughwhichyoushouldsupportcough* or, in case you're bedridden or car-less, you can grab a copy on Amazon.
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